I have been writing in my notebook (a book of notes/random thoughts) a lot lately. I think my life has become to hectic. And yet again, it has become monotonous. I feel like time is swooshing past me, like a train in the underground, and the only part of it that I notice is the gust of wind that takes me aback. In that moment, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and allow myself to observe the world around me. I am able to escape "the real world", even if just for a moment. In the brief moments my mind wanders and I think of old memories. To me, the good and the bad memories are both haunting. I remember the good. I remember a life I once once lived. I was naive in high school. Uptight, now that I think of it. But I always had fun. I had a great circle of friends, pretty cool parents, and not a bad academic record if I have to say so myself. But I also remember the bad. Yet when a phase of your life slowly burns out and neither party tries to keep the flame alive, the good thing you once had becomes a ghost of the past. It will haunt me forever.
It's nice though, every once in a while, to replay old times in my head like an old film reel lit up on the bedroom wall. Time has made the memories a bit grainy and dis-combobbled in places, but I can still remember the moments briefly. A familiar smell reminds me of my best friend's house when I was younger. The soft playing of a song in the back ground takes me back to morning drives to school. I can remember the emotions I felt at the time as well. When I recall old feelings I have a physical reaction that I am unable to control. The butterflies that should be in your stomach flutter upward towards my heart. I am sad. I realise that my memories are precious moments that I will never be able to live through again. They are only fragments of time that I can remember.
What about the fragments of time that I will never relive again. Instead they lie, hidden in the depths of my mind that are unreachable.
